Oh, The People You’ll Meet

Should you ever have the good fortune to ride the rails at Union Station in sunny Los Angeles, California, you’ll meet all sorts of fascinating people! Here are a few:

Holy Rollers: Backpack? Briefcase? Nope, they’re all-in on wheeled luggage, and fired up about occupying double the walking space.

Bette Middle-ers: Knowing that they move a bit more more slowly than most, they courteously move to the side, haha of course not drift to the exact center of any narrow corridor, to ensure maximum blockage.

Stair Bears: Find a bench? Lean against a column? Amateur moves. These legends sit down right in the middle of busy staircases, forcing the crowd to adapt or die.

Gearly Beloved: From escalators to jam-packed train cars, there’s nowhere these guys won’t squeeze in with their sweet, sweet vertically-positioned bikes.

Step and Stops: Ah, a nice empty train car. The perfect place to step in, claim your dream spot right by the entrance and then immediately stop moving, ensuring lots of awkward “um, excuse me” interactions.

Nick of Timers: Cool, the train’s pretty full, the announcement has played and everyone’s ready to depart…HOLD UP WHILE THEY EXPLODE IN LIKE THE KOOL-AID MAN AND STOP THE DOORS FROM CLOSING, making 100% sure that everyone else waits a bit longer.

CrocodAisles: Asking them to consider not immediately taking the aisle seat (thereby forcing a “could I, uh, get through?” conversation is like asking the sun not to shine.

Topplers: Keep your distance, for when the train makes a speed change, it’s gonna look like the end of a Jenga game.

Flabbergasts: This crew steps off the train in a completely baffled state, with eyes wider than those of cavemen first encountering fire.

Failures To Launch: Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon with less hesitation than this crowd steps onto escalators